How Women Can Create Greater Intimacy During Sex

So, women, as much as we want to pretend that intimacy only relies on men, it doesn’t.
We are co-creators in the experience.
It’s no longer fair to say in any developed nation that I didn’t 0rgaism or feel pleasure and then blame it ONLY on the man.

I hear so many women say I just did “it” to get it done.
I closed my eyes and just let “it” happen.
We haven’t been intimate in months.
I never enjoy “it.”
I always just want “it” to be over so quickly.
It’s like a chore!
THIS IS NOT HEALTHY.

Ideally, statistics show that in a healthy relationship where you see each other frequently, intimacy should be happening 3-4 times a week, and RARELY a week should pass where there isn’t some form of intimacy between you and your Beloved.
And this life is meant to be PLEASURABLE in all areas.
Especially in one of the most sacred acts that allow you to connect with someone, unify your bodies and Souls, and will enable the creation of another being to be birthed if you so choose.

This shouldn’t be like an “it” thing.
It’s not dirty, gross, or weird.
It’s beauty, connection, art, and allowing God to come through two people to co-create beautiful beings if they choose is what intimacy truly is.

So, let’s go through these ladies.

1) Know your body. I’ve talked to countless women about this, from those in very pleasurable and loving relationships to women who have no intimacy in their lives. If you don’t know your body, your desires, and your preferences, trust me, another person isn’t going to know it for you. And EVERY WOMAN is different. PLUS, our preferences and desires change over time as our bodies do. Hormones change, we shift, and we evolve. So, knowing your body is critical; otherwise, you cannot share with someone how they can co-create a wow, this world-wow experience.

2) Communication is sexy. No matter how badly you want him to, a man cannot read your mind. Men are much more logical and linear thinkers biologically. They don’t need to talk about feelings just to talk about them to feel a connection. Women, we like to talk and talk to feel a connection. It’s how we relate and feel a sense of community. Men aren’t like this. They can spend time with someone doing nothing, talking about nothing, which is a connection. Not forever, yes, there needs to be memories and communication, but this is a crucial difference in how men and women connect. So, your desires, your wants, must be communicated because there is no other way; he will know what to do besides simply guessing, trial and error, or in response to your fake pleasure.

3) It has nothing to do with how you look but with how you FEEL. I think we’ve all gotten wildly confused with what we’ve seen of looking this way or doing this thing; THEN he will love it. In truth, men love to please and offer pleasure. It has so little to do with how you look and so much more with how you feel when you are in the moment. Are you feeling alive, are you feeling sexy, are you feeling surrendered or dominating? It has very little with looking “sexy” and more just feeling your emotions through your body. Feel what feels sexy to you. Feel what feels good to you. And you can only do this when you know your body! So, it’s important not to get caught up in recreating how you want something to look or feel; MORE OFTEN, the best intimacy is going to look NOTHING like the movies but be, WOW, so profound. Because you were present, you were allowing pleasure to come up and, through you, communicate it without feeling insecure or pressuring yourself to need to do something, so “they like it”.

4) Be willing to ask questions like, do you like this? Or show me what you like? Do you have fantasies you want to try? Be open-minded that your guy isn’t trying to criticize you, make you bad, or wrong; they want pleasure and intimacy just as much as you. So, when you ask with an open mind from a genuine desire to grow deeper in intimacy together. It allows you to feel confident in knowing you are offering things that bring him PLEASURE, and it will enable you to share more of the things you would want if you’re nervous just to go out there and share it. Start with him and then move to you!

5) Desire is better than demand. As I shared in the other blog post for men, women are like a boiling pot of water. However, once we are aroused, we are there! And so, it’s always better to place a desire than demand. A way of foreplay for us may be going out to dinner, watching a television show, or having him run the bath for us. But place the desire of I like this so greater intimacy can be felt. Instead of “make dinner plans.” Do this in the bedroom. Make this happens.” Say it’s so hot when you make the dinner plans. I saw how you looked at that woman; now I want you to act on me (in a playful voice). I love when you do this, etc. But lead by desire when it comes to intimacy, especially with men, instead of demand. The demand makes them feel insecure or not worthy, just as it does with us.

Did this help?

I’d love to know!

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I love you,
Colleen