What to do When Your “Friends” Say Mean Things to You

I’ll never forget the last birthday I wanted to stay home and just be with myself.

Yet a girlfriend of mine kept reaching out sharing it be good to celebrate my birthday, even though this really isn’t what I wanted, as I was overcoming the traumatizing experience of narcissistic and codependency abuse, as well as abortion.

So, I fed into her, and I’ll never forget as that was the LAST TIME, I betrayed myself to please someone else.

She was making me dinner and the topic we were talking about was Instagram and she shared, “You sound like a f*cked up girl in your videos.”

OUCH

I felt like a sea of black came over me, I crawled inside of myself and wanted to go hide in a hole in the middle of the ground, to never be seen again. 

Now, this woman had shared many other harsh things to me knowing I was overcoming narcissistic abuse, which is quite crazy when thinking back to it. As she tried to act as if she was, “protecting” me yet at the same time harming me. Abuse at its finest to empaths and Lightworkers who are not from planet Earth, and have not yet become grounded in our Truth.

And to be fair this woman offered many good and beautiful things.

Yet this woman was the key in my life to overcoming codependency. My relationships always had this push/pull, I’d be there for them at every call, drop everything for them, and then they would ignore me & I’d think it’s okay, I’d have mean comments be shared to me about who I am, and feel depleted at times.
This situation at hand is a perfect example I thought oh she’s making me dinner for my birthday (this is so nice, even though I wanted to stay home), yet OUCH she cares about me so she’s offering a MEAN perspective on my videos.

By the way, this wasn’t the only relationship this would happen with, this was just the deepest relationship at the time, so it hurt really bad to see this play out in front of me.

I remember thinking maybe this is normal, it’s how friends speak to each other when they “care.”

Yet then I remember hearing this same person share the same feedback on many other people in their life, “they” are fucked up, or “insecure”, or a “lost” Soul then at the same time those people admired her or looked up to her.

And I remember thinking I personally would never think such thoughts of people I claim to care about. And I started to ask mentors, people I was receiving clinical healing from and they all said, “No, Colleen that is not normal.”

I remember feeling so betrayed because I trusted this friend, and they willing to use my wounds against me.

I remember thinking wow – no matter how much I disagreed with a friend or saw their life path through a different lens than them I would never throw something in their face they shared with me or offer feedback in such a critical way.

Then I felt into how many of my friends in my life have big dreams and wild imaginations like me – how we settle for painful friendships and relationships.

We allow people to call us to ask for our divine wisdom and knowledge because we understand the world of energy, they call us to ask for that wisdom, then are mean to us when things aren’t working in their life, the way they want – because the truth is they envy your connection and perspective of how you see the world.

I’ve learned from being so young and creating massive success with my dreams, traveling, impacting people’s lives people who are older than me and haven’t chosen life the way I have, they will try and tear you down, because they see you and it brings up past regret that they didn’t go after their dreams when they were younger.

No matter where you are in your healing journey to liberation if I can offer you anything it is to trust your gut.

If someone/something Higher than you tells you to be alone on your birthday or staying in on a Friday night, to write the book, create the product, call the NON-ABUSIVE ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, or even just the guy or girl from the gym – TRUST IT & DO IT.

Believe that your relationships should not feel PAINFUL they should feel expansive and blissful.

Now, this doesn’t mean you have don’t disagreements or moments that need to be talked through.

Yet trust your relationships are worthy and deserving to feel good.

Take a piece of paper and pencil and write, “If I had my dream friendships how would I be feeling and what would we be experiencing?”

I did this on January 20th, 2021 and my life drastically changed immediately with my relationships.

Lastly, FORGIVENESS.

Understand friends who say hurtful or mean things to you is because you shared something from your innermost thoughts, and they became triggered, and then experienced their open trigger and wound through you, instead of taking ownership of their emotions and having a normal two-way dialogue.

However, when friends repeatedly say mean things or you hear them saying mean things about other people in their life, it’s time to close the door, wish them well and move forward.
Go back to your journal and write If I had my dream friendships how would I be feeling, and what would we be experiencing?

Let me know what comes up.
If you like these types of conversations this is what we talk about in the Expanded Liberation Society.

Turn your life into the greatest love affair,
Colleen Gallagher