I have never been the woman who said yes to marriage.

Even though many guys have wanted to open that road

 

Yet it’s strange, even though I never wanted commitment, men and I always share a special connection.

All my connections have been deep, profound, meaningful, yet I never wanted commitment, and the guys always felt that about me.

 

I’ve always been more committed to my need to feel free than to be tied down and committed.

Some say I’m crazy, some say I’m “wounded”, some say I’m brilliant, and some say, “I’m fucked up.”

I call it magical.
I just have this knowledge of what I want and won’t settle for an ounce or less than what I see as mine to experience in this life.

 

Well, those guys who thought about waiting for me to commit, yet deep down knew it was never going to happen, chose to settle in life and got married the traditional way.

 

They ended up marrying what would appear to be the well-put-together, picture-perfect women.
The one who has Pinterest boards, the one who knows how to cook, plans her whole week out, probably has her whole life organized, text all her friends back properly, washes her hands every time she goes to the bathroom, makes proper plans instead of calling five minutes before she’s down the road expecting you to be available to hang out,

 

Literally, ALL these men I’ve dated and had divine experiences with married the perfect blend of an ideal driven, working woman that meets the PERFECT housewife that meets Mom of the year award.

 

Then there’s me…

Chaotic - not predictable
I planned well if I have a meal in the fridge for when I feel hungry instead of running down the street to the store or ordering food.
My laundry is way overdue.
My multiple walk-in closets are ever-growing (yet I only grab yoga pants, unless I’m going OUT).
I have thousands of dollars worth of make-up I never wear besides my fairy mascara, if I remember.
I don’t want to talk on the phone or tell you my daily/weekly/monthly plans are cause fuck If I know.
At any moment I can meet a random stranger go on an adventure and be MIA for a few hours while I have a new enlightening breakthrough for my life and mission, yet I’ll always be home to cuddle and have a revelation chat.
I don’t get paid every two weeks; I get paid every day from varying amounts of $1-$10,000 and were dialing this up to $1,000,000 days (haha maybe like $100,000 is more realistic) yet that’s just it, I’m not realistic.
My clients appear out of thin air.
My creations come through me when they come - meaning you may have to stop the car, I may change our plans last minute, I may be obsessively lost in another world.
I spend an insane amount of money on random things you’ll never understand but they are life-transforming to me.
My feelings guide my every decision, at any moment my feelings can change based on what’s going on around my environment, and you get to be okay with that and make it work.
Trying to make sense of me is a man’s life mission.

 

Because deep down I don’t make sense, yet I open a man into an ocean of feeling sensations and understanding a world that is so mysterious, he cannot get enough of it. Because he knows he cannot conquer me, there’s always an adventure, a battle to be had, he gets to try and figure out how to win me over again and again, over decades of a time, instead of becoming bored.

Now there are times of peace and calmness, pure beauty in silence, yet those moments are so intimate I’m not sure words can even capture the essence.

Yet the “perfect” girl the man marries secretly craves to get a hold of me.
I drive the perfect girl nuts.

Because I do everything an undomestic woman is repulsed by.
Yet what makes it even worse is she knows I don’t want her guy.
Because it’s so obvious I’m unaware her guy even exists, as I’m committed to me, for me, to God, forever.
And this drives women nuts, my man wants a woman, who won’t even commit to him, yet I’m devoting my life to this man.

 And they cannot figure out how I do it, or what I’m even doing.

My essence is a divine mystery.

My girlfriends and sisters know I don’t even notice half the men that women are mad that they want me.
For example today I stopped at the subway, there was a gay couple and they started to ask me for dating advice.
I gave it to them, and they said “wow you just changed my life.”
And then the one guy said, “Sweetie, you are beautiful. You don’t need any make-up,” I didn’t have any on.
He then goes, “Did you notice those five guys just passed by checking you out?”
I go, “no.”
He said it so loud all five guys look back at me, I blush.
He goes, “or maybe you all are gay and are looking at us.”
ALL five guys stopped 3 shake their heads, 2 say, “no, we were looking at her.”
I blush - he goes, “you had no idea all these men just passed by checking you out?”
I said, “um no, not really I was paying attention to you.”

See I’m quite not focused on what men are doing or men’s desires and instead focused on doing what I want when I want, because I feel called to it, because there is a higher force within me guiding me in every moment, telling me exactly what to do.

So how do I do it?
Well, it’s the perfect blend of empowerment, allowing myself to be guided, feeling everything, I have to feel, saying what is on my damn mind, and taking action based on how I feel not on how I was taught.

It’s a constant practice where I’m the women looking out of the window sill into this big grand world, and the man is behind me, watching my every move, penetrating me with his eyesight, exactly how women desire to be looked at, and he is wondering what is she thinking?

 

What is going on in her beautiful mind?

Yet he knows better than to ask, instead, he simply watches me get lost into my own world of thoughts and imagination, and at the right moment, he walks away figuring out how to create a life where he’ll always be able to penetrate me open through the look of his eyes where I’ll feel it in my cellular structure, even when he’s not around.

Because deep down he knew he wasn’t the man that could satisfy my every desire, he knew that my Soul craved more than what his Consciousness knew how to give.

So selflessly he walked away and set me free, instead of what can be perceived to feel like abandonment.

So, I could stay daydreaming out of my window sill into the world for the chosen man to come and find me, and my true fairytale has the foundation to last a lifetime, instead of settling into a relationship and marriage that secretly always keeps you starving.

 

When you read this, and you desire to become this woman message me to become a private 1:1 client.

Leave your thoughts in the comments.
Turn your life into the greatest love affair,
Colleen Gallagher